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from near his heart he took a rib
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Ben Sullivan
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to be a better husband to Jackie than I was to Ella. To be a better father to Lily than I was to Adam.

Don't we all want that, though? To be better, to make less mistakes, to fix our flaws as we move along?

It might not even be completely accurate, what I first wrote. It isn't that I want to be better to Jackie than to Ella, or better to Lily than I was to Adam. I just want to be better, completely. I got this second chance (in more ways than one) -- I want it to be worth it. I want to prove I deserve it. I do deserve it. I deserve to be happy too.

I sort of invited Ella here to Rhydin to visit. Nothing set, nothing even close to concrete -- good thing, because I haven't mentioned this at all to Jackie yet. The last time I tried to talk to her about Ella, it turned into one of the worse fights we've had. I almost ended up sleeping on the couch. (Didn't, because we never do that, but it came damn close.)

Maybe I should wait to mention it until I hear back from Ella. If she isn't interested in visiting, then I can just avoid that conversation altogether, can't I?

And god knows I'm a master at avoiding.
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Ben Sullivan
nothingman
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Ancient Wyrm


Joined: 01 Aug 2012
Posts: 793
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Jobs: Gumshoe, Bullet Catcher
Can Be Found: until he can't be
28780.38 Silver Crowns

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So much has happened.

The house is either wonderful chaos or blissfully quiet. There's not much in between these days, and that's alright. I like it.

In the face of all these changes at home, so much else has stayed the same. Stasis. Routine.

That, I don't welcome as much.

At least it hasn't gotten worse.

My family is perfect. My children are perfect. My wife -- beyond perfect.

Now if only I could fit in a little better with everything I've been lucky enough to fall into. If I could be as good for them -- as good a father, as good a husband -- as they are for me.

New year around the corner.

Nothing stays the same.
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Ben Sullivan
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Joined: 01 Aug 2012
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know what's worse -- when I can hear them or when I can't.

Not that I ever hear them. It's never really like that, like schizophrenia, like auditory, like a hallucination.

Your thoughts end and his begin. Like that.

I went years without them. Years and years. Never heard a thing - never thought a thing.

Maybe that was why, when they came back, I could deny it so easily. Just blackouts. It had gotten so bad at the end of it the first time, hearing them all the time, that it couldn't come back so silently, right?

And then there's



Okay.

I never know if it's paranoia or if it's true or if maybe, just maybe, I'm finally winning. Maybe it's a part of the process. Maybe. Maybe. If there's even a process at all. As if I haven't abandoned it completely.

Hunter and Knox are both up. Good distraction.
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Ben Sullivan
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Ben Sullivan
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2015 9:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A name is just a name.

Things only mean what you make them mean.

Except for what they really mean.

He



I wish it was different. Wish I was. Wish I was.

But I am, aren't I? I am.

As real as you are. And he is. I had proof.

But at the same time, it's all in my head. Everything is. Even



I've been in the apartment more and more lately. Waking up there in the middle if the day.

I just need
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Ben Sullivan
nothingman
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Joined: 01 Aug 2012
Posts: 793
See this user's pet
Jobs: Gumshoe, Bullet Catcher
Can Be Found: until he can't be
28780.38 Silver Crowns

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2015 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two years ago, it was my last night as a single man. I was in Georgia. My last trip outside of Rhydin - the wedding, the honeymoon, my last day in Vancouver.

I couldn't imagine how my life would be two years later.

I'm luckiest. No matter what else is happening - I'm luckiest.

Gonna make sure Jackie knows that tomorrow. Every day, but especially tomorrow.
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