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Diary of Sanity

 
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Ammy Spiritor
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:30 pm    Post subject: Diary of Sanity Reply with quote

9/23/2014

Dear Diary of Sanity:

Inner peace and a healing touch; words that I never dreamed to be within my grasp. As a woman raised by war, tried by fire and pain, work hardened by leading armies and cities I find my new tasks daunting; focusing on family, alchemist craft and nursing. Me, a nurse, I guess my time to retire from the active life has finally come. I may get into a scrape or two if someone ever calls my self defense into question, but I think my family is finally settling knowing their matron has finally submitted to retirement.

I am not exactly forced to leave my ways of war. Instead I am seeing the value of staying my hand in the world of violence. I was a child raised by the state and thrown to the wolves since I could read. My children should never have to suffer the same fate. My mates deserve my full attention as well as I am their wife and they are my husbands and wife. For me to continue burying myself in my work and fighting is akin to me slapping them in the face repeatedly. I am done with that course.

The prospect of expanding the family also lends me to retiring. Leroy and Fleet are curious but not asking just yet if I am pregnant. The paperwork came in today from Whisper Paws Hospital. Dr. Stridar has congratulated me on once more outdoing my prior records. I will bring three new lives into this realm, may these children forgive me if I ever fail them. I am waiting to see if Mirius is with pups as well. I feel she is conflicted with the joys of wanting pups and the fears all mothers have with having pups. I have yet to tell my mates that I am pregnant. Worse yet, I have yet to tell my commander aboard the space station that I am pregnant and will be unfit for flight duty in the near future. He will surely not be very happy with me or Myrlene for what is easily considered AWOL status within the military. I will settle that score in due time. I am sure something can be negotiated.

Myrlene and an alternate Marilla have come back home from Lupinoss. I am hoping to help Marilla adapt to a social life and to seek sanctuary from a war and plague torn realm. At least Fleet seems in his right mind again and I do truly love him as much as I love Mirius. Years of him suffering from the magical damage to his memories and mind had almost put a rift between us as mates. I am glad it never came to that.

As I close this entry, I am happy to see the family together, almost unified and enjoying prospects of normal life. The city seems well and running steady with the reigns of governor being handed over to Frostad Shieldar this week. I am getting ready to announce change in my status as teacher in both academies from full time to occasional guest lectures. My shop may suffer a little neglect for now but I will keep infuse new ideas and products into it one Fleet has rendered my laboratory into something safe for a woman with child. He will be bringing a new source of revenue into our family coffers as well, a general store run by him and family. I think we all will have enough to do to stay out of trouble, mostly.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

11/11/2014

Dear Diary of Sanity:

I forget so easily how pregnancy changes me in so many ways. My moods are in constant flow like a river. My emotions bruise easier than a banana and my physical appeal has become to take on what others call 'love fat'. I often feel slow, waddly and over all an easy target. That aside, I can feel the pups growing well in me and becoming healthier every day. Dr. Stridar estimates my delivery time in February or March at the latest. He seems to find no medical concern with a recent craving I've been having; Habaneros on ice cream and the increased rise in wanting more and more vegetables.

As to family life, all is going well. Fleet and Merlin Jr. seem to be bonding well as father and son. Both getting much needed time with each other. Everyone seems happy to have Fleet around us more each day. And he dotes on me and Mirius endlessly. No word yet when he hopes to start the general store, but all in good time I am sure.

My lectures at the academy have slowed down as my mobility gets less and less. I may start having lectures in my living room at this rate. The students would most likely enjoy getting lost in all of my memorabilia and hear not a word spoken.

As to my shop, it has been kept in good care by Myrlene and the rest of my staff. I have dabbled a little here and there on a few minor projects, but even Myrlene is shooing me out of my own lab for safety. How did I raise such a bossy, fiery short woman? Ah well. When the pups come I'll get time to enjoy things again. Until then, I've been reading more, resting and it seems knitting is calling to me in my dreams and thoughts. Me, do knitting? The universe has finally come to a grinding halt. At least I haven't stopped cooking, though the meals tend get stranger and stranger as Mirius and I let our cravings dictate the meal. Merlin Jr. doesn't seem to mind when suddenly it's ice cream on the menu for supper or spaghetti and tacos for breakfast.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

12/30/2014

Dear Diary,

A new year is close to drawing its first breaths. This year is close to exhaling it's last breath. Much has happened again since we last spoke to each other.

My station as a pilot for the fighter squadron in a distant sector of space was reassigned to another pilot. I have been officially ensconced as one of four of the squadrons private nurses. Later on perhaps I will be training new recruits, helping with R&D and repairing our ships. For now, calm, peace and healing.

Besides my demotion at the base, a full physical was given at the time and with honesty and support I had all of my cybernetics and automail revmoved. DNA regeneration was used and I am fully restored to a natural body.

The family continues to do well. Fleet is on the hunt for Myrlene's ex-husband seeking retribution for our daughter. The nursery for the babes on the way is nearly done and that was a good thing. Mirius and I got a surprise gift on Christmas day. Our babes came early and they are all healthy. As I write this entry my eyes fall on my three wee ones and am honestly hopeful their futures become bright and full of life.

Mirius seems to be doing much better with a child of her own. Perhaps she is finally taking a turn for the better with someone to pour continued love and care into. Our house is quite full with other permanent guests. Alternate Marilla lives with us and she is family, enjoying the safe haven we provide. Parsu, a Lupinossai android whose taking a liking to Myrlene has come to live with us as well. Almah, my assistant and android I built is also with us. I am sometimes glad that Myrlene has my old beach house. For as large as this remodeled home is, we are rapidly filling it up.

I can only hope the new year brings more pleasant things to the family and an end to the chaotic years.
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

1/20/2015

Dear Diary,

Cleaning. I seem to be finding this chore more and more difficult with so many children about. Toys everywhere, books scattered, the occasional juice stain or spaghetti on the rugs. The house is truly becoming well lived in with so many lives thriving in it. Most of the chores we have divided up nicely amongst the adults and eldest children. The vacuuming though has become an issue as the house is large with several stories.

Our solution? We bought some of these little robots that look like hubcaps. Roomba's I think they are called. We now have them buzzing about the floors in the house every day and the results have been pleasant. Many of my friends in Den City ask why I don't just bespell the house to keep it clean? In the old days I would have cast the spell and went on with my work or studies. However, after having several litters of pups and spent time resting in the house doing crafts and chores with the rest of the family, I am finding the reliance of magic to do even common day tasks to be a bit lazy and wasteful. The only spell that isn't defensive on the house is the simple door spell that will open the door for people we know if we are unable to answer it.
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

6/20/2015

Dear Diary of Sanity;

Sanity is one thing I am lacking today. Not from someone out to get me or the inevitable chaos that shows up at my doorstep threatening to flatten my family. It's the loss of sanity from my heart and mind over someone dear to me. My sister, not by blood, but by close kinship and adoption is beyond unwell. She has gone mad, slipping into a feral mind that threatens everyone. Until today, I never knew that Icer could harm family. I wanted to offer her comfort and it seemed my scent alone and soothing words were affecting her grief stricken mind. Grief, I learned due to her mate being killed, ritually mummified and now in the stages of rebirth in another dragon Icer knows.

She is beside herself, mourning and suffering from a dead link to a mate that was her world. Yet, with all the medicine being thrown at her by Sean and the others, my presence seemed to help. She seemed to calm some, until she bit me hard enough to lose three fingers on my right hand and ripped up the hand itself. I've been called stubborn in my life and it is true. I put the pain aside and continued to comfort her. I nearly died from blood loss if it wasn't for Andu and Noah. I am fine, bodily, but I am shaken at the break in trust between her and I. Yet I am not deterred. I wish to try soothing her again, though the fear of being attacked has taken residence in the back room of my mind.

Perhaps I'll succeed or lie dead before her. She needs someone and my heart breaks for her. I've lost my appetite over this and hope that things will sort out soon.
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 3:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

7/3/2015

Dear Diary of Sanity:

I've lost my mind, flew around the bend and right into the lake of punishment. I've taken up dueling again. My body and reflexes aren't quite what they used to be back in the days of being a teen hellion and a mid 20's war heroine. I have enough ice packs strapped to me to make the Titanic avoid bumping into me. Still, bruises, cuts and a broken bone or two are much preferable to knitting. Death to you thread and yarn and all of your little needles too! On the lighter side of things, I find encouragement from the other duelists to keep trying hard to succeed in facing my opponents on a level playing field of skills.

I've been filling in my days during summer break from teaching by working more on my shop. A second floor remodeling is in the works to squeeze in more green house space and I must finally decide what to do with the creatures known as the Twibbles that I brought to life. They are living, hive minded and have feelings. Without a doubt they have souls but until I can speak with them or read their collective mind, it is speculation with a good gut feeling.

I've taken to meditation more and more to help focus and control my, uhm, rather sunny disposition lately. Most people don't mind the warmth or the light, but I do have several friends that may find sun to be rather deadly. Not to mention romance has become a blinding hazard. Leroy has placed orders for sunglasses, I feel for him.

Speaking of feeling, Icer seems to have improved. It lifts my mood like a warm, vibrant orange sunrise. My days of not eating ended several days ago when a friend, Sean, the Veterinarian most of my friends use when a doctor who wont ask questions is in need, visited me. He gave me a simple threat that if I didn't eat a sandwich right now and promise to eat the next several meals given to me, he was undoing our divorce and taking my kids to a Candy Store. We have a bit of history ever since he adopted a Lupe pup named Iimiidiina. Ever since then, some may have heard the rare words 'his wife' or 'my husband' tossed about. I got odd looks when ever that slips out. To be fair our arrangement was quiet and once the child grew up to be a young man, the papers were drawn up and a divorce finalized. Never once did we ever embrace, yet that man teases me endlessly on Valentines day. I really should work on that Smite Husband Spell I threaten him with.

Jake and Mabel have managed to say 'Papa' to Leroy and they are finding his antlers to be the best mobile to stare and grab at. Ruby is a shy babe. She's not progressing as fast my Terrandrii children, that is, half reindeer and half Lupinossai. I still don't quite understand how a deer and a canine... never mind that logic. Ruby is another quandary. She's completely human with Lupinossai DNA. I'm stumped on that one too. Maybe I must admit I really don't know much anymore the older I get. Ruby hasn't quite started to speak, then again, maybe being nearly full human she isn't developing as quick as the more prevalent Lupinossai children. A human child develops day by day, month by month, year by year, our children, magical or not develop naturally a whole year just within six actual months of life. Small wander they age and grow up fast.

At least we have gotten the kids to progress to soft foods. Their mother could use a long break from being bruised and 'nipped'. So far, Jake hates carrots, Mabel hates bananas and Ruby gives a raspberry to anything resembling peas. Hands down though, they all love beats and apples and sometimes pears. In a month or so we'll see how they handle some gentle proteins.

It gladdens my heart to know I am leaving behind a legacy started on caring and love and that soon, most of my heirs will never know about war. May they never hear the horrors of what their mother was, once upon a time. Those are stories for another time and another life. The type that keeps children in bed or to scare them into eating broccoli.
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

7/15/2015

Dear Diary,

Not much has happened lately beyond the ordinary home chores, work and planning of course material for the coming school year.

That was until today. Jake decided to crawl to the pantry door and managed to figure out how to work the safety latches. He's going to be smart like his father. Once he opened the door, I can only assume the brightly colored can of Cheese in a Can caught his young eyes. I heard the hiss of compressed air and giggles float down the hall to my personal study.

Giggles with young-lings is often scary. Not the sound. No, the sound of giggling delights my heart. It's the scenes often found that inspire the giggles. Jake was found sitting on the marble floor with canned cheese smeared into his fur and clothes and licking at the treat non-stop. The giggles were coming from his sister, Mabel. Her little hands figured out that if they twist on the cans nozzle long enough, yellow tasty stuff comes out with fun little noises. It's even more amusing when they start to land on your brother.

They are now both laughing and making little splashes in the tub as I wash the cheese off of them. Ruby sits on a towel by my side and stairs at her siblings with a petulant look. Some days I wonder if she just despises the foolishness of her litter mates. Perhaps she does, perhaps she does not. It makes me smile all the same. I can tell Ruby is going to grow up to be a tattler on Jake and Mabel.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

7/27/2015

Dear diary,

Once more we are at the kitchen sink. Jake and Mabel have once again burgled the pantry. This time it was a whole jar of molasses. After much giggling, crying from sticky fingers stuck to clumps of hair, and valiant reinforcements from Leroy everyone is clean and the two Terrandrii are napping.

This was an opportune time to take my little girl Ruby and have a mom and daughter spa day. My hair is a little shorter now but still much to play with. Molasses and long hair are not friends. On my way home I am buying a combination lock to see if the pantry raids will cease.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 11:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

8/11/2015

Dear Diary of Sanity,

Things have gotten a bit dark. I wish I could write them down but I've damaged several pages already with tears and blotched ink. Something beautiful is shattered and I'm looking for the glue to fix it.
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 11:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

8/23/2015

Dear Diary,

It's been a few weeks since the tear stained entry and I feel ashamed for letting that much out to you. I am in a more stable frame of mind today so your pages will remain intact, I promise.

Much has happened and some of the events are still a jarring jostle of memories that may or may not ever be told to you. What I can clearly bear to you today is a very hard truth for me to swallow, yet like all bitter medicine, I must swallow it to get better.

I've spent too many years blaming others for my stupidity. It was never Fleet's fault for our relationship troubles. It was mostly mine. He played some part in it, for sure as it takes two to tango and two to stumble and fall hard. However, it was I that started the loss of trust and the complete degradation of love between us. I own up to that now as well as owning up to being a woman set in her ways of getting what she wants or seeking sympathy when it isn't obtained.

The household and family is to change, all control of it is now out of my hands. It would seem that neither I or Fleet have any clue as to how to act like responsible adults in the affairs of raising and leading our family. A few others have met this same declaration so as much as I dislike Fleet's parents, they will rule over all things concerning the family. Perhaps it's the best and will let us focus on us and dig up what matters.

The core of the family has been moved to the space station in a location that duty and safety restrict me from mentioning where. Lessons are coming to me and Fleet on how to be adults and I fear, a little, that these lessons will no longer be gentle. We really screwed up severely this time.

However, all is not so bleak. I'll leave this glimmer of a jewel to close out this entry with a bit of hope. A few of the family set us up on a blind date, all mate bonds muted, and for the first time in 6 years, Fleet, Mirius and I truly engaged in honest understanding and interest of each other. There is hope somewhere in this disaster I have lead the family into and as long as the hope remains, we will emerge all the more stronger and deeper connected with each other.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

9/12/2015

Dear Diary,

I am writing in high spirits. The last few weeks have been eye opening and refreshing to my mind. I have never been so privileged to the customs and ways of a real Lupinossai family until having everything stripped from me. When one loses all of the extraneous concerns in life, they begin to focus on how to live their life. To this date, much has happened to me. I am learning hard how to become a true, genuine, supportive Beta in the family and how to keep the family running smoothly and in order.

My age and body have been changed. I am now 17 again, horrors, right? The belief is that since my ranking is reduced to 'puppy' in the family, a.k.a, no decisions or privileges at all, I was made young by Aribius with consent from Spiritor and Alitia, Fleety's parents and ruling Alpha and Beta of home. In addition to the age, Mirius suggested I try a new look in life to help me break and let go of the bad habits and past of mine. I agreed and now I am very happy hybrid of Cheetah and Lioness. Reila, a lost daughter of Mirius and I from another time, calls me a Cheelion. It's kind of a cute label.

My powers have all be stripped away. I am with no magic whatsoever and will only be granted items to wear that unlock single spells or abilities if I prove myself a responsible adult. I am fine with this. Being with no magic makes the world quieter and less pressing upon my nerves.

Sadly though, we have confirmed a fear Fleety and I have had for a long while. Our daughter Ruby was born deaf. This has severe implications for our family and I found, in general Lupinossai culture. Defective children indicates that Fleety and I are no longer viable for producing offspring.

Now I know many would say fix the issue with magic and heal the child of her deafness. What few realize is magic bases the restoration and healing off of DNA. Some spells can bypass that. In all honesty, I cannot accept a bandaid on a future problem for my child. Yes, she is deaf. No I won't have some one heal her. She'll have hearing aids when she's old enough and taught sign language. She is a normal child with a simple disadvantage.

I want her to know this is her being normal and to not have a child in the future suddenly born deaf. A child should never have to find out that they have disabilities so easily covered by magic that never fixes the initial issue. Perhaps I could use my alchemy skills and repair her DNA, but in doing so, the person changes based on that DNA.

So with a knowing sadness but a full understanding that we are very blessed with the many children we do have, Fleety and I have been sterilized. I will no longer bear anyone heirs. I am not saddened anymore by this as I am allowed to focus on the heirs I do have and the mats that love me.

I must end this a bit shorter than I like. I've taken on a new purpose and I wish to pursue it. It is time someone created a wholly new form of alchemy that is no longer a regurgitation of age old methods. I will create Solara Radium to be my gift to all that study the arts after I am long gone.
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

4/6/2017

Hello Diary, my old friend.

I had to blow the dust off of your cover quite a bit once I found you in the last box I unpacked for my new office in the Alchemist Fire Complex. I am so sorry I had packed you away so long ago when we prepared for moving to our new store location. Time and events moved and danced leading me away from so many boxes where you lay entombed.

Where to talk from here? The Alchemist Fire Complex is fully open and doing well. We have funds steadily coming in thanks to Leroy's gift shop for his distillery now having it's own space to breath and expand. Fleety finally got hir general store open, and I am happy to add Moon Wake General Store to the roster of names we have. It completes the set like a trinity. A foundation was also set up to run in my Complex, named the Sword of Damocles Foundation to help people in need with anything they need to do.

Though I feel the foundation and my own name have become a joke. A foolish notion that came to mind last year was to step into politics in the city of Rhy'Din. That was a proverbial lesson of playing with fire and being burned by many because once politics enters someones life, everyone stops treating you like a friend and many treat you like an enemy. Story short and lesson learned, governorship of any city can taking a flying leap and any public contest that are based on popularity can stay far away from me. It's taken me a few months to feel like I can even show my face in public outside of Den City after the failed campaign run as governor for Rhy'Din City. It was an education in learning that there are just people completely groomed in the shadows to step in for the job no matter the effort of the other candidates. Ah well, the fates decided what the people got, gods help them that it was the person they wanted and not a masterful work of shadow puppetry.

Moving to a bone less bitter to chew on would be how well the children have grown. Jake and Mabel will be ready by fall to go into pre-school at the Lupinossai Learning Center. The Terrandri have grown fast like weeds and are proving every bit as smart as their mother and father and every ounce on their growing frames lean towards handsome or beautiful trouble in the far future. Leroy may have to polish his shotgun a lot to ward off boys from Mabel. Will keep him out of trouble more. Ruby on the other hand is very bright. Very sharp and I brought home some tests from the Lupinossai Learning Center. She placed into second grade already on the scores, so she may join Mabel and Jake at school in the fall, but it depends on what we all decide about her hearing. The family knows sign language inside and out now, and she acts like nothing is wrong, but I have caught her looking lost, staring at records playing, or radios or TV's with no sub titles. I may have to talk with Ruby more and ask her if she feels ready to see doctors about trying to find ways to hear again.

Speaking of children, I seem to have picked up an extra child through unfortunate circumstances. Alexander Bastion Greavefitter, is a boy, human, of six years that is now in my charge after I took the life of Bastion Greavefitter, his father in a blood duel. I don't know what to really say about the duel. Rhy'Din city has gone nuts and anything not human is up for being hunted. I can't exactly say what twisted in me but it's like I've had enough and am at the end of my rope with putting up with the craziness and those that decide to come after me, my family and those I protect. I completely broke down and took the advice of my sister. My sister, the deranged siren of evil herself and went on my own hunting parties and waged war on my own street. I may have lost a bit of sanity somewhere but everything seems to tick on in the world.

Alex is handy in our shops and stores. He's a bright child, eager to play with my kids, and has taken on the monumental task of adjusting to life living in a Lupinossai family with full enthusiasm. What six year old doesn't dream of having a talking dog that gives piggy back rides on the shoulders? He'll go to school the same time Mabel, Jake and Ruby will hopefully. Though I have noticed he's taken a distinct liking to Caolite and Ruby. No surprise as they are, without a doubt, the most human looking in the family. It's a small comfort to him that I wont deny. I just wonder when he turns 18 and presents to me his fathers soul gem, what favor he will finally ask that I have to grant for that was my word to him the day he saw me over his dead father.

I've done little teaching these days, most of my energy spent on other ventures, mostly unearthing and compiling the histories of Lupinoss and Sliinkaa, our home planet. Helping in this endeavor is an artifact called the Logan's Gate which I made for reviewing events in any point of time that a person has witnessed with a simple sample of blood. I'm close to testing it out soon.

Outside of this, it has been family time, relaxing and trying to have a normal life. Though I am still coming face to face with the severed head in my laboratory daily. I feel I should toss the head of the Ebony Knight at some point, but it still feels good to have the head of my enemy on a shelf to admire and grin at every day. Proof they lost, I won. Perhaps this is a firm hallmark that I am quite insane. Only time will tell.

On a final note my legacy of Solara Radium, Sunlight Alchemy, is still in research and experimentation phase. Simulation and fabrication of methods to convey light spectrum into arrays and concoctions is still proving difficult. Though I must say the Twibbles are doing well. That new species of life has filled it's new zero-gravity tower to capacity already. Perhaps I need to gift a few hundred to Myrlene as a way to infuse an edible, huntable creature to her Winterpaws Kingdom. I end the nights journal with the hope that things improve for everyone I know.
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Ammy Spiritor
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

4/27/2017

Hello Diary,

Don't get to close, less your pages catch on fire, for I have become like a teenage girl swept off her feet at the first kiss of her beloved beau. No, it is not my month, nor have I gone about acquiring a new mate. I was simply privileged and delighted to be taken to one of the local dances in the Den Circle during the Spring Planting Season. Many of these dances are held to keep spirits high and reward the hard work as everyone helps out the farms to get the crops planted for the year.

Fleety, that old devil of a mate worked hir charm on me. Knowing I am often fond of a classical, animated moving picture called Beauty and the Beast, had the Steele Thimble create costumes for hir and I similar to the Beast and Belle in that animated film. I must say it's been a while since I've danced at balls and Fleety has been keeping hir ballroom dancing up. Shi delighted the crowds by conjuring up floating wax candles in the form of beautiful red roses. You couldn't get anything more romantic than that at a dance. I was giddy and alive with mirth and passion. I'll just say that a hay pile may have been rather noisy than your common hay pile that night. Wonder what shi'll do next?

Inserted between the pages, next to the entry was a photo taken of her and Fleety dancing at the Spring Planting Dances.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2017 1:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

6/8/2017

Hello Diary,

Another year has set on this body and I've been blessed to watch 36 years of sunrises, sunsets and starry skies. I know my siblings in the skies above care not about another year gone on one more body their fallen sister has taken. A small pity I grant to them, but only a small one for what I enjoy is often a curse a well.

I do hope I can enjoy seeing more sunrises and sunsets on this 37th year that has started today for this vessel. I've grown quite fond of it. Attached to it even and have made so many deep connections with loved ones through it. It is one of the few lives I've lived that all of my children are alive and not dead from the passage of time, war or illness. To grow so attached to the mortal vessels of fleeting souls is precious to me. I truly love watching my children and mates grow through out their lives though it saddens me that I know their span is often measured finite to mine. Yes, this body I have will snap and gutter out as well as so many others have that I've dwelled within, but whereas I will open my eyes one day, fuzzy, unfocused and breath the cooing babble of a babe in a new life with a soul in anesthetized slumber, so many I have known are truly gone, their souls mixed and scattered freely into the celestial well.

Ah, well, no point being stuck to hard upon this view. Should the time come that things come or go and fates take who they wish and leave who they refuse, I will accept whatever my next path will be. Till then, I will hold my children close until they grow beyond wanting that comfort and pass that love on to my grand children and simply hope many will remember me well.

Happy Birthday to me, Amaterasu Loraine Spiritor, the fallen star.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 8:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

11/7/2017

Hello my very old, silent friend,

I am remiss in keeping you company once again as I caress your drying, cracked parchment skin. Five months almost to the day since we last spoke. Ah, my birthday it was at that point. Funny things birthdays are, marking that we somehow lived one more year on a spinning mass of elements that care not one wit about our expiration. Someone as old as I glances at birthdays as amused as another digit ticking upwards on an eternal odometer.

That was then, this is now wouldn't you say? Indeed, today is just, confusing. You get used to knowing how things work and function most of your life or in my case, lives. Magic, gods, etc, rarely change, right? Oh, let me tell you, my woody friend, I was sooo wrong. Here's a fun fact, Diary, I'm not a goddess. Not one ounce of my power is divine, holy or brought about be some grand scheme. I'm not even some Sun Mother or Sun Goddess. My name Amaterasu may as well be a lie, a sham, a fake with what I really am. My goodness, I'm really arguing and lamenting to a book. So fitting. I found, through the help of my son, Merlin Jr. that I am actually a shard or spark of Chaos.

Yeah, you know that thing I hate, the powers of evil that always mess with my family and ruin things? Well I'm one of them, and most of the messes I've been dealing with? That was Chaos trying to rebalance me for doing too much in my life on this realm. The strife, the whole Ebony Knight fiasco, even my kids all being born gifted and odd. Why? I try too hard and that goes against Chaos. I try to contain and restrain instead of let loose and relax. So I go nuclear and Chaos nudges things along to clean me up.

The odd part, is even being a spark of Chaos, I can mimic, adapt and use most magic and abilities I come into contact with. This was something my son pointed out. That somewhere in my many lives I did meet a sun goddess and absorbed some of that power to understand it allowing me to pass as almost the real deal. He wasn't sure how I could do this all until I finally told him that I wasn't truly mortal with my soul. My soul was once Celestial Energy. Celestial Energy is the life force in everything in existence. It's not supposed to feel, not supposed to think, breathe or live, yet, somehow, I became a hiccup in that infinite vastness of energy and took note of all the living things in the realms. That awareness was the start of my downfall, the flicker of Chaos in my Celestial Energy until I became less and less conforming and more erratic.

So to the mortal realm my spark was sent, housed in a soul forever bound to be around the mortals that sparked the Chaos in me. A soul forever roaming, wearing bodies like clothing coming and going out of style. All genders, races and realities. I need a drink and more ink. It was nice having this chat with you Diary, maybe I'll remember you in a few more months. We'll see.

Ciao from a Spark of Red Chaos.

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