By TERA STARFARE
I have been keeping up with the recent rash of kidnappings in town and let me tell you faithful readers it is astounding just how many well known citizens have gone missing in recent weeks! Some have been taken right out of the Red Dragon Inn common room while doing nothing more than enjoying a drink with friends or even with loved ones. This I say has got to stop! Be aware of those around you. Sadly not all of those I know of that are missing were kidnapped by strangers.
This latest kidnapping was after a bloody shoot out in of all places somewhere you would think you could take your children and them be safe. But no we are not even safe now days at the Marketplace! According to the RhyDin
Watch report I read this here kidnapper had revolvers, an accent and chin length black hair. He shot this business woman at least a couple times then made off with her in front of at least one eyewitness that is reputable enough to be telling the truth about this event today.
Perhaps we should all arm ourselves by stopping by the Dragon's Breath Forge folks or even hiring us bodyguards until these evil persons are caught and made to pay for their crimes against all good law abiding citizens. I should mention if I was not clear that it is not just this one person doing the kidnapping around town. There is more than this one incident that I know of not to mention the Slaving contingent is getting frisky again and taking people off the streets and out of Inns as well as their very own homes!
The RhyDin Watch is looking for people that have information on any of the missing people and items have been turned into them if the family members would like to pick them up at the station. You can talk to the Watch or stop by The Oracle office building with information on the rampant kidnapping going on.
By JEWELL RAVENLOCK
In Vol. 1.2 of the Dockside News Report, Jeffery Pike had this to say: "Amidst the chaos in RhyDin City, a report still found its way to the dockside that the sirens have taken up residence off of the deserted Yaddayadda Island off to the northeast of the continent. All ships planning on traveling near that vicinity should issue earplugs to their crews or keep on hand a supply of beeswax."
Back in January, this paper reported several incidents of sirens being spotted in and around RhyDin city and concluded that they were a possible cause of the dreaded man shortage that was taking place for many months (and is still a problem in certain sections of the city).
We at The Oracle feel that part of that former article regarding sirens bears reprinting incase the band of sirens, reported to exist by Mister Pike, extends into the city.
Incase of a siren infestation: One way to help yourself (and the city) is by building a "Siren Prevention" kit. Pivotal to this kit are the following:
-Ear plugs (to block up your beau's ears from their crafty singing).
-A bottle of purified Laryngitis spray (to infect them so they can no longer sing).
-Rope (to keep your man from running away with the siren).
-Gun (to shoot the siren dead if need be).
Remember - a dead or silent siren is a siren that won't be stealing your man away.
By TRIXIE TRIX
Racing Glens, RhyDin - The RhyDin Squirrel Racing League today announced the temporary suspension of their popular squirrel races held at the world renowned Racing Glens, North RhyDin Forest.
The decision by the RSRL was made upon the news of the mysterious kidnapping of Miss Mercy, a well known and beloved squirrel racing enthusiast. According to the RSRL's press release, the disappearance of Miss Mercy has caused significant unrest and concern among racers and track tenders throughout the league. RSRL members voted nearly unanimously to suspend the races so they can devote time helping in the search for the missing racing fan.
Miss Mercy is described as a frequent visitor to the Racing Glens and popular with the other racing enthusiast as well as the racers themselves. It is reported that the legendary Red Racer took to his nest and refused to race again until she is found. Red Racer was unavailable for comment.
Mr. Alfonso Nocciola, RSRL president and self described legitimate racing promoter and enthusiast met with reporters outside RhyDin Squirrel Racing League offices in the grand old oak near the birch tree glade. "When we first gots the news that Miss Mercy has been kidnapped, we didn't know what to make of it. I mean, what kind of oobatz jamook would snatch a classy broad like Miss Mercy. She was always ready with a laugh and easy smile. She encouraged and cheered every racer even if they came in last. The boys really appreciated that and the beer and snacks she'd bring for them. And let me tell ya, she ain't no slouch when it comes to betting neither. A right decent Two-legger." He asserted vehemently, "At first the boys thought them creeps over at the Pegasus races had something to do with it but we ain't found no sign of Miss Mercy anywhere around them yaboos.
"Now uze may be axing what we of the RSRL can do to help find Miss Mercy. Where would we even start looking, right? I gots to tell ya, the boys wuz wondering the same thing till I told them what to do. They gots lots of heart but not so much in the ol'noggin if uze knows what I mean.
"So I sez to the boys, what are uze? Maroons? Whoever done the snatch on Miss Mercy has gotta have a pair of stugatz, you know wattamean? But also he gots to want her bad and to hole her up someplace means he's got to be thinking she is like some kinda treasure. We
treasure her, right, so it ain't surprising this maroon treasures her too, capice? So, Miss Mercy is a treasure. What do we treasure, I axe them, What do uze guys treasure? This time the boys gets it. What do uze guys treasure, I ask and they say "Nuts!" so, Miss Mercy iz like a nut, I tells them."
"A giant nut." Mr. Nocciola's business associate, bodyguard and fellow legitimate racing enthusiast, Mr. Rocky Pignolia added.
"Right, Miss Mercy is a giant nut." Mr. Nocciola nods agreement, "And what do uze do with yer nuts? Think about yer nuts when uze be out there searching for Miss Mercy, I said. The boys wuz excited at the possibility of finding her, if I say so myself.
"In conclusion, I want the racing world to know that the RhyDin Squirrel Racing League will leave no leaf unturned, no little hole unpeered in and no tree bole unsearched in our quest to bring Miss Mercy home, safe and sound so she and her family and friends can continue enjoying, and betting, on our fine family sport.
Mr. Alfonso Nocciola, RSRL President
"To that end we have enlisted the aide of the other families and squirrel clans throughout RhyDin's forests and our good friends and long allies, the Rabbit Wardens the Unified Rhy'din Burrows and the Exalted Fraternal Order of Groundhogs."
"In addition, I am pleased to announce that the RSRL is putting up a 50,000 acorn award for any knowledge leading to the safe return of Miss Mercy and the where abouts of the strunzo that snatched her."
The current exchange rate is 1 gold per 5 acorns.
Asked for a comment, Mr. Pelnar D'Bane said, "When I hear these fine upstanding models of RhyDinian society call the marvelous Ms Mercy a giant nut, I am moved to tears."