By TERA STARFARE
February 1, 2007
Kitty Onyxfire Helston
For the first time ever RhyDin has a publicly elected Governor! It was a fiercely fought battle that had even the Easter Bunny throwing his hat into the ring at one point folks but sadly due to time constraints as the polls were opened he had to withdraw from the race.
At one point someone put up posters for Superman to be our new Governor and who better no doubt they felt than the man of steel that bullets bounce off and who can run faster than all get out and see through walls and hear from clear way off.
But in the end it all came down to some good off fashioned political mud-slinging between just a few sincere candidates and let me be sure and make it clear right now before I get in trouble again that not all of them were slinging mud at each other. But there was some really good mud that got slung at some points in time.
They were each running on solid platforms that included better education for our children, more funding for our police force, some mention was made of forming a Coast Guard to patrol and keep down the Pirate population so that more trade routes could be established via water. I even heard tell of a Commerce department being formed to help handle city finances and of course putting more romance, love, and excitement back in town.
In the end there can only be one. The lovely Ms. Kitty Helston is our new Governor folks with 76 votes!!! Count Talomar Longden gave her a race with 54 votes. The P'Imp came in third with 46. G had 23 and Ilyona made a respectable showing with 17.
We here at The Oracle congratulate all the candidates for the hard work they put in on their campaigns as without them this first annual race for Governor would not have been possible.
To all of those who participated in asking them those tough questions that no candidate ever wants to hear we salute you and if you think you may want to be a reporter stop by The Oracle offices and see Amaltea!
By GAVILEAN STARFARE
This reporter was in the crowd when Count Talomar Longden made his concession speech to the winner of the Governor's race, Miss Kitty Helston.
The Count stood at the podium in front of a large crowd of very disappointed supporters. He lifted his hands for them to be silent and then spoke in a very loud voice that rang out supernaturally through the gathering.
"My dear friends and supporters, your loyalty and work for a better RhyDin has not gone unnoticed, nor has it gone unappreciated. But now it is time for me to concede the race for governor to my very worthy opponent, Miss Kitty Helston."
At this point there were boos and sounds of disappointment in the crowd but Count Longden held up his hands again for them to be quiet.
"I shall give her my full support, and I ask that all of you do the same. She has a year of very hard work to try to make any difference at all in our city, and she can use all of our support in that endeavor.
"It was a hard fought race. I have been told that in several polling places there was a significant problem with 'hanging chads' that left the intended vote ambiguous. I have also heard that many of my most ardent supporters senior citizens and old widows, the downtrodden and homeless, those who have hit life's bottom rung and were looking for help to have a better life all of those could not get transportation to the polling booths. Had these factors not been in play, we might have won.
"But I am not going to dwell on 'what might have been'. I am very thankful for you 30% of the population who were not afraid to express that you wanted more excitement, romance, and adventure in your lives. Perhaps some time in the future I can help you to have those dreams fulfilled.
"For now, I once again congratulate Kitty Helston, and I'm looking forward to having Kitty be my new governess. I think she will be perfect for the job."
He waved to his supporters and climbed into his black carriage and was driven away.
By TERA STARFARE
January 15, 2007
Never would I have thought that our Cemetery was not a safe resting place for our deceased loved ones. Never would I have thought that the caretakers there weren't capable of running off any potential mischief makers. Faithful readers something far worse than mischief makers got into the RhyDin Cemetery the other evening and the caretakers didn't do nothing to stop them!
My informant told me that graves were robbed and nothing was taken but the heads of the dead people in them. Now they didn't know how many exactly had been robbed or which ones had been taken yet. The Guard are looking into this particular crime not the Watch however which does say something.
Speculation is rampant according to the one that I was talking with as to why certain ones were robbed and not others not to mention why it was that only the heads were taken and not other body parts also why not the whole body since they went to the trouble of digging up the graves. Some whispers have even been heard of the word 'Cult' in some circles.
I should warn you all that as of now none of this information can be confirmed positively and my informant won't let me identify them and there was some mention
of brothers involved as well. No one is sure of anything to date regarding this and information is scarce. No doubt due to the relatives that are going to have to be notified before much can be said or done by the Guard.
By PHYLLIS DOGOODTHINGS
EVERYWHERE, RhyDin The lopsided female-male ratio in RhyDin is worsening, pushed up to 350 women for every 10 men now, an independent study claims.
The "Where The Hell Are All The Men?" report released yesterday from the RhyDinian Institute of Social Karma did not give an official explanation for the disparity, but cited experts who speculated that the problem may lie with greedy women.
"This kind of imbalance is troubling," Martin Merryweather, an expert from the RISK think tank, said in the report. "I fear that women will start fighting over the men we do have and possibly kill them off as a result. You know the saying, 'If I can't have him, no one will'? We need to address this, a.s.a.p. or we're going to have a real crisis on our hands within the next couple of years. I'm considering asking our first governor to promise substantial tax breaks to unmarried males who move here so we can attract young male blood to our community. We have to do something, I just don't know what, exactly, we should do to solve the problem in the interim. It's quite literally a jungle out there now."
Locals blame the problem on everything from guild wars of the past which annihilated a significant portion of the male population in a short amount of time to an absolute refusal of young men to follow tradition by making honest women out of their significant others because they have no desire to reproduce.
"After the Golden Age, the guilds disbanded, the old trades died. It was no longer 'cool' to make swords for a living. The boys of today want to go out, get drunk, and take a pretty woman home for one night only. They have no interest in longevity and responsibilities, they want to travel and be free. When I came to RhyDin, I got me a job at the smithy, I came home at night to a hot meal, and I
made love to my wife in the hopes of carrying on my family name. Ever wonder what happened to the great family names of old? Where did all the Vladslaces go? The LeVeys, Helstons, LeFays, Hazes, Oberons, Verlockens? I'll tell you where they went, somewhere else. What's the point of living in a town that no longer honors its traditions? I put my house up for sale the other day. My wife started to cry. She said our boys grew up here. She asked me why I wanted to leave. I said I lost respect for Rhy'Din. It's just not the same as it used to be. She wondered what would happen to all our memories. I told her 'They'll be forgotten, just like everything else.'"
On average in the rest of the Multiverse, there are 106 males for every 50 females, but more boys die as they reach maturity and go out to defend their villages from marauders while young girls stay home to prepare for a life of thankless servitude without ever owning a proper pair of shoes. Nevertheless, statistics show the numbers tend to even out over time and are nowhere near the problem RhyDin has.
Though there is no conclusive proof to provide an answer, there was one man I spoke with who said he knew exactly why men don't come to RhyDin anymore.
"They're afraid. Wouldn't you be? These women are insane. One fellow I know came here to purchase some spells and the second he stepped foot in town, a band of females came charging at him with hammers and nets
he's still in the hospital
says he has nightmares every night," one local towns person said on condition of anonymity.
Whatever the real reason is, the resulting shortage of men has meant that hundreds of women in the here and now remain unmarried and childless.
What will become of RhyDin's future?
Is their absence just a passing trend or will a preponderance of males in our society continue to elude us for many more years to come?